Monday, December 04, 2006
Exploring Daddy's roots at Chiplun and Songaon.
The reason for talking about my non existent roots first, was to show how, in contrast, the ties that daddy still has with his past, have had a deep impression on me too! Somehow a trip to kokan as we call it, is always rejuvenating for me.
I do not know what exactly causes this, its probably two-fold: 1) The small town/village atmosphere, the clean air, the simple loving people cooking up their specialities for you and of course the temple trek and the Lord Himself! Its the one place u really feel close to God!
2) You are away from the hassles of home & work. Just do what u like or nothing at all. No need to worry about what to wear, how you look, etc. A bath in the morning and one change of clothes is all it takes for the whole day!
I still remember my first visit- we were barely married a few months and the prospect of meeting the entire clan at one time was daunting! Never having known what a village looks like does not make things any easier. The ST bus ride was the first dampner. The fellow passengers I would rather not describe.
The Chiplun house was quite nice, huge with a mix of pucca cement walls in parts and cow dung spread floors in parts. Kaka, kaki were friendly & made me comfortable immediately.
Songaon was a different kettle of fish- firstly, electricity had not reached there, the house was huge but a the toilet was a good distance onto the periphery. The rooms on the upper floor were inhabited by families of bats! They were the real residents all year round; we were the visitors!
I had to muster up all my courage to ignore these small intrusions.
To add to this, I was the new bride & every member thought it was his duty to induct me into their illustrious family traditions and customs! The fact that I was not a kokanasta, that I belonged to Madras, (to a Maharashtrian, anything south of their land was Madras); had already reached songaon.
It was also mentioned in hushed tones that I was not the normal fair complexioned, petite (euphemism for short), simple traditionl bride- so there was some amount of curiosity among those who had not known me. Of course there were also some pluses to me , else how would their dear son/brother/nephew ever agree to marry me?
I was convent educated, i was a graduate with a good job, i could speak english so well; inspite of this i was friendly, interested in learning their customs, their cuisine, their tea, their God etc etc. Even the way they spelt their name (in Marathi) was special-Barawe and not Barve as did most of the "common" Barve families!
There wa s so much learning to be passed on to the new incumbent! And there was no dirth of the varied ma/aunts/sis in laws who were extremely diligent in carrying out the teaching!
Of course I had my moles/spies who ensured I came out with flying colours!
Those were the days of the new bride; today I can hold my own and some of the 'born' Barawes are flummoxed! I can proudly say that i am part of the inner circle and all important matters discussed with me and views sought by the very same in-laws.
Over the years, the place has grown on me and i consider it my own. I feel responsible for what happens there and am enjoying the task we (mainly daddy) has undertaken there.
The konkan is incomplete without the mention of Guhagar. I have this special bond with maushi, probably growing from daddy's fondness for her. Aside from enjoying Guhagars virgin beach, I am completely at ease there; do what i want, when i want; maushi will understand!
The trip to Guhagar comes as a bonus everytime i visit chiplun. That which comes free is always more attractive!
I do not know what exactly causes this, its probably two-fold: 1) The small town/village atmosphere, the clean air, the simple loving people cooking up their specialities for you and of course the temple trek and the Lord Himself! Its the one place u really feel close to God!
2) You are away from the hassles of home & work. Just do what u like or nothing at all. No need to worry about what to wear, how you look, etc. A bath in the morning and one change of clothes is all it takes for the whole day!
I still remember my first visit- we were barely married a few months and the prospect of meeting the entire clan at one time was daunting! Never having known what a village looks like does not make things any easier. The ST bus ride was the first dampner. The fellow passengers I would rather not describe.
The Chiplun house was quite nice, huge with a mix of pucca cement walls in parts and cow dung spread floors in parts. Kaka, kaki were friendly & made me comfortable immediately.
Songaon was a different kettle of fish- firstly, electricity had not reached there, the house was huge but a the toilet was a good distance onto the periphery. The rooms on the upper floor were inhabited by families of bats! They were the real residents all year round; we were the visitors!
I had to muster up all my courage to ignore these small intrusions.
To add to this, I was the new bride & every member thought it was his duty to induct me into their illustrious family traditions and customs! The fact that I was not a kokanasta, that I belonged to Madras, (to a Maharashtrian, anything south of their land was Madras); had already reached songaon.
It was also mentioned in hushed tones that I was not the normal fair complexioned, petite (euphemism for short), simple traditionl bride- so there was some amount of curiosity among those who had not known me. Of course there were also some pluses to me , else how would their dear son/brother/nephew ever agree to marry me?
I was convent educated, i was a graduate with a good job, i could speak english so well; inspite of this i was friendly, interested in learning their customs, their cuisine, their tea, their God etc etc. Even the way they spelt their name (in Marathi) was special-Barawe and not Barve as did most of the "common" Barve families!
There wa s so much learning to be passed on to the new incumbent! And there was no dirth of the varied ma/aunts/sis in laws who were extremely diligent in carrying out the teaching!
Of course I had my moles/spies who ensured I came out with flying colours!
Those were the days of the new bride; today I can hold my own and some of the 'born' Barawes are flummoxed! I can proudly say that i am part of the inner circle and all important matters discussed with me and views sought by the very same in-laws.
Over the years, the place has grown on me and i consider it my own. I feel responsible for what happens there and am enjoying the task we (mainly daddy) has undertaken there.
The konkan is incomplete without the mention of Guhagar. I have this special bond with maushi, probably growing from daddy's fondness for her. Aside from enjoying Guhagars virgin beach, I am completely at ease there; do what i want, when i want; maushi will understand!
The trip to Guhagar comes as a bonus everytime i visit chiplun. That which comes free is always more attractive!
My Roots .......?
We just returned from Songaon, Chiplun - with Guhagar thrown in! It always gives me a high! Don't know what it is- the temple, the small town/village ambience, meeting with the Barve clan- possibly the overall experience- is this what one refers to as One's Roots?
This got me thinking of my own roots; or rather lack of them! I now realise how very unfortunate we are, but that is fate! Both my parents belonged to small fmilies & both lost their parents early in life. When this happens there is nothing to take you back home! Their house in Tirupati survived a few years and then was sold off by the care takers. Dad in fact was brought up by his uncle, Raja mama and he was my connect with my dad's folks until he passed away last year. Dad had only one sister who got married and settled down in a remote part of Chennai-Ranipet. We hardly know our cousins from that side. Only recently have i established contact with one of them, Premi.
My mother's family met a similar fate. After her father's death, she was left with one step brother who was a very loving gentleman, I remember him vividly, but he too died young of TB. Mummy was a very independent young woman, who was Convent educated and dreamed of going to College. But with only a brother a few years older, heading the family; he could not muster the courage to send her to a co-ed institute - he ws more concerned for her marriage!
I remember the house in Madurai, where my mother was brought up! It was one of many two-storey row houses perched high up - a number of stone steps led to the main entrance-a sort of rectangular verandah.
But the most exciting part of the house was a square right in the middle, which was open to sky! Can u imagine what happened when it rained? It was so beautiful, the raindrops sprayed all over the house! That house too had no takers after mum's brother!
So although I proudly stated that my parents belonged to two temple cities, both proved too shortlived to leave any impact on our lives.
We were born & bred in the suburbs of Bombay and saw no life other than that! Me being the eldest, carry a few memories of the few visits made during childhood-nothing more.
Daughter of a majistrate in the British govt. mom was brought up in a fairly affluent family while dad's father was a Poojari in the Balaji temple. He too had enough resources but is said to have lost it all to the "prohibition" era.
Mom was a born non-conformist; years ahead of her time in her thinking she had anyway broken away from her past which she considered stifling.Dad still loved the old ladies/aunts amongst whom he was brought up- raja mama housed a number of widowed women who came back to well to-do and well-hearted relatives after being widowed. I remember them in their maroon saris, which also covered their tonsured heads and upper half, as they wore no blouses.
Ours however was a nuclear family- if u could call a family of eight nuclear!
We were very lucky to have such ....... parents! Cant find one word that does justice to them! Firstly, they were Made for each other! She shunned orthodoxy, traditions and wanted nothing to do with them. He was magnanimous to all, his heart was so large he could accomodate all- Love for the old widows (who had to fetch their own water & cook their own food as prescribed by some religious beliefs) and understanding of the young engineers who looked upto him for help in the Great growing corporate that was Air India!
Even today I hear stories of both mum and dad from people who have been helped and loved by them. People who were not connected, neither family nor friends! I can only feel proud! Unfortunately, none of us siblings have taken from our parents even a fraction of what they had to offer!
Sounds cliched, I'll give some examples that have stuck in mind.
When most moms nagged their daughters to get inducted into skills like cooking and house keeping, my mom would suggest that there was plenty of time for that after marriage! Why do u want to wear a sari now, she would chide me. She was the one who suggested that I make myself a mini skirt, which had just come into vogue when I was in college! I wasnt the brave, experimenting type then and made one after a lot of persuation.
She always wnted me to be independent and work for atleast one year before I got married.
As for dad, he had this tremendous faith in us- if I told him I hadnt fared well in a paper, he would say- "Forget about it, Im sure u couldnt have fared all that badly!"
Sometimes I wonder, no Im quite sure I do not have the largesse to respond to my children like they did! They were ONE OF A KIND!
This got me thinking of my own roots; or rather lack of them! I now realise how very unfortunate we are, but that is fate! Both my parents belonged to small fmilies & both lost their parents early in life. When this happens there is nothing to take you back home! Their house in Tirupati survived a few years and then was sold off by the care takers. Dad in fact was brought up by his uncle, Raja mama and he was my connect with my dad's folks until he passed away last year. Dad had only one sister who got married and settled down in a remote part of Chennai-Ranipet. We hardly know our cousins from that side. Only recently have i established contact with one of them, Premi.
My mother's family met a similar fate. After her father's death, she was left with one step brother who was a very loving gentleman, I remember him vividly, but he too died young of TB. Mummy was a very independent young woman, who was Convent educated and dreamed of going to College. But with only a brother a few years older, heading the family; he could not muster the courage to send her to a co-ed institute - he ws more concerned for her marriage!
I remember the house in Madurai, where my mother was brought up! It was one of many two-storey row houses perched high up - a number of stone steps led to the main entrance-a sort of rectangular verandah.
But the most exciting part of the house was a square right in the middle, which was open to sky! Can u imagine what happened when it rained? It was so beautiful, the raindrops sprayed all over the house! That house too had no takers after mum's brother!
So although I proudly stated that my parents belonged to two temple cities, both proved too shortlived to leave any impact on our lives.
We were born & bred in the suburbs of Bombay and saw no life other than that! Me being the eldest, carry a few memories of the few visits made during childhood-nothing more.
Daughter of a majistrate in the British govt. mom was brought up in a fairly affluent family while dad's father was a Poojari in the Balaji temple. He too had enough resources but is said to have lost it all to the "prohibition" era.
Mom was a born non-conformist; years ahead of her time in her thinking she had anyway broken away from her past which she considered stifling.Dad still loved the old ladies/aunts amongst whom he was brought up- raja mama housed a number of widowed women who came back to well to-do and well-hearted relatives after being widowed. I remember them in their maroon saris, which also covered their tonsured heads and upper half, as they wore no blouses.
Ours however was a nuclear family- if u could call a family of eight nuclear!
We were very lucky to have such ....... parents! Cant find one word that does justice to them! Firstly, they were Made for each other! She shunned orthodoxy, traditions and wanted nothing to do with them. He was magnanimous to all, his heart was so large he could accomodate all- Love for the old widows (who had to fetch their own water & cook their own food as prescribed by some religious beliefs) and understanding of the young engineers who looked upto him for help in the Great growing corporate that was Air India!
Even today I hear stories of both mum and dad from people who have been helped and loved by them. People who were not connected, neither family nor friends! I can only feel proud! Unfortunately, none of us siblings have taken from our parents even a fraction of what they had to offer!
Sounds cliched, I'll give some examples that have stuck in mind.
When most moms nagged their daughters to get inducted into skills like cooking and house keeping, my mom would suggest that there was plenty of time for that after marriage! Why do u want to wear a sari now, she would chide me. She was the one who suggested that I make myself a mini skirt, which had just come into vogue when I was in college! I wasnt the brave, experimenting type then and made one after a lot of persuation.
She always wnted me to be independent and work for atleast one year before I got married.
As for dad, he had this tremendous faith in us- if I told him I hadnt fared well in a paper, he would say- "Forget about it, Im sure u couldnt have fared all that badly!"
Sometimes I wonder, no Im quite sure I do not have the largesse to respond to my children like they did! They were ONE OF A KIND!
