Saturday, August 11, 2007
Marriage-the many splendored affair!
Now that I am on this “bare it all” binge, I thought I should give you some more insight into our lives- if only to understand us better!
Another reason is that too many marriages, around me, are rushing towards the highseas, if not actually to the rocks. Disturbing, because with a little effort from both sides, this need not happen!
I’m sure all marriages that have stood the test of time have done so only because of a lot of grit and determination and not by fluke or some miracle of fate!
I also believe that the problems faced by most couples are no different, it is ones approach to them that makes all the difference!
Coming back home, what worked for us was --Opposites not only attract, but also help stay attached.
We are different in many ways-
Daddy is a born Pessimist while I am a die-hard Optimist! I only see the silver lining, he only sees the cloud!
I am Impulsive while he is a great Ruminator. To anything I say, his reply is ‘WAIT’. But the wait has paid off and today we are both a satisfied team!
One great quality he has is his ability to say "NO". I can't do it & land myself with unnecessary pressures. He gets it out of his system with one word!
He hates traveling and I can’t stay home. His job was a boon for me; else how would I have fulfilled my desire to see the world?
I am the extremist- I tend to overdo everything; be it work, play, whatever. I have to always give my 200%! He is measured in everything; he wouldn’t bend down to pick up a gold coin because his doctor has told him that bending is bad for his back. I like to forget that I have a (bad) back!
He is punctual to a fault, while I am irritatingly late; always running behind the bus!
He is an extrovert, I am the worst introvert. But over the years I have learnt to open up a bit, thanx to him! But, as they say, ones innate nature can’t be changed. I have been called ‘khadoos’, unfriendly, or even a snob (when I am far from any of these.) in contrast to his affable, singer, dancer, party bug image. “Soorat hi aisi hai” can’t help it!
One of the advantages of having opposing traits is that it has helped maintain the equilibrium of this 'gaadi' (carriage). Over time we learnt to accept our weaknesses & respect our strengths; this has enriched both our lives. It has also helped this gaadi from swerving of the road. At times it has flown in the skies, at times it has floundered in the potholes; but has always veered back on track.
We are also similar in some ways; thank God!
The best thing is that we are both devoid of any EGO. So also, we are evenly tempered, neither of us lose our cool, whatever happens! This has saved us from the raving & ranting that goes on in so many households! We do it very quietly & silently!
We give each other plenty of space and try not to be judgemental about our actions! We never let love become stifling. We did not burden the home with office problems unless required. In fact, his flights took him away for 10-15 days a month, that I think helped this marriage! We got the time to rejuvenate for the next homecoming!
We had our own bank accounts and never questioned the transactions.
He only cribbed when I went shopping, which I hardly ever did! He always found his Tees & Jeans in the Hongkong or Bankok sales, they were so cheap you see! So finally, I left all my shopping to him-the imported nylons were in vogue & his choice in clothes was decent, so he bought all my sarees! When these sarees went out of fashion, I was in trouble! But that was something I had to live with; he ofcourse will never agree!
Another strategy that worked wonders for us – he won over my relatives and I hit it off with his!
That way everyone was on our side! No doubt, this is an expensive hobby, but also fulfilling! We helped out many a relative and wrote off not a small amount; and we are still at it. But we have earned genuine affection & goodwill all around and that is what keeps us going!
Money has its relevance-but only when it is spent judiciously!
God has taken good care of us!
(Update-next day)
Yesterday I watched Shabana & Javed on 'Koffee with Karan' & what Javed said corroborated what I felt. He said if two people are similar in every way, there is no point in their living together- one of them is enough. And if two people are too dissimilar they can't live together anyway! They should have the right mix to be able to enrich each other!
This is something I have told Rakesh in the past- every couple must strive to bring out the best in each other; they must also learn from each other- for we all have a mix of the good & bad in us! Both must jointly take responsibility for everything they do after marriage. (This is for Neil too!)
Another reason is that too many marriages, around me, are rushing towards the highseas, if not actually to the rocks. Disturbing, because with a little effort from both sides, this need not happen!
I’m sure all marriages that have stood the test of time have done so only because of a lot of grit and determination and not by fluke or some miracle of fate!
I also believe that the problems faced by most couples are no different, it is ones approach to them that makes all the difference!
Coming back home, what worked for us was --Opposites not only attract, but also help stay attached.
We are different in many ways-
Daddy is a born Pessimist while I am a die-hard Optimist! I only see the silver lining, he only sees the cloud!
I am Impulsive while he is a great Ruminator. To anything I say, his reply is ‘WAIT’. But the wait has paid off and today we are both a satisfied team!
One great quality he has is his ability to say "NO". I can't do it & land myself with unnecessary pressures. He gets it out of his system with one word!
He hates traveling and I can’t stay home. His job was a boon for me; else how would I have fulfilled my desire to see the world?
I am the extremist- I tend to overdo everything; be it work, play, whatever. I have to always give my 200%! He is measured in everything; he wouldn’t bend down to pick up a gold coin because his doctor has told him that bending is bad for his back. I like to forget that I have a (bad) back!
He is punctual to a fault, while I am irritatingly late; always running behind the bus!
He is an extrovert, I am the worst introvert. But over the years I have learnt to open up a bit, thanx to him! But, as they say, ones innate nature can’t be changed. I have been called ‘khadoos’, unfriendly, or even a snob (when I am far from any of these.) in contrast to his affable, singer, dancer, party bug image. “Soorat hi aisi hai” can’t help it!
One of the advantages of having opposing traits is that it has helped maintain the equilibrium of this 'gaadi' (carriage). Over time we learnt to accept our weaknesses & respect our strengths; this has enriched both our lives. It has also helped this gaadi from swerving of the road. At times it has flown in the skies, at times it has floundered in the potholes; but has always veered back on track.
We are also similar in some ways; thank God!
The best thing is that we are both devoid of any EGO. So also, we are evenly tempered, neither of us lose our cool, whatever happens! This has saved us from the raving & ranting that goes on in so many households! We do it very quietly & silently!
We give each other plenty of space and try not to be judgemental about our actions! We never let love become stifling. We did not burden the home with office problems unless required. In fact, his flights took him away for 10-15 days a month, that I think helped this marriage! We got the time to rejuvenate for the next homecoming!
We had our own bank accounts and never questioned the transactions.
He only cribbed when I went shopping, which I hardly ever did! He always found his Tees & Jeans in the Hongkong or Bankok sales, they were so cheap you see! So finally, I left all my shopping to him-the imported nylons were in vogue & his choice in clothes was decent, so he bought all my sarees! When these sarees went out of fashion, I was in trouble! But that was something I had to live with; he ofcourse will never agree!
Another strategy that worked wonders for us – he won over my relatives and I hit it off with his!
That way everyone was on our side! No doubt, this is an expensive hobby, but also fulfilling! We helped out many a relative and wrote off not a small amount; and we are still at it. But we have earned genuine affection & goodwill all around and that is what keeps us going!
Money has its relevance-but only when it is spent judiciously!
God has taken good care of us!
(Update-next day)
Yesterday I watched Shabana & Javed on 'Koffee with Karan' & what Javed said corroborated what I felt. He said if two people are similar in every way, there is no point in their living together- one of them is enough. And if two people are too dissimilar they can't live together anyway! They should have the right mix to be able to enrich each other!
This is something I have told Rakesh in the past- every couple must strive to bring out the best in each other; they must also learn from each other- for we all have a mix of the good & bad in us! Both must jointly take responsibility for everything they do after marriage. (This is for Neil too!)
