Rekha's Musings

One day after reading one of my blogs daddy suggested that I write something about him(don't know what he had in mind!). I am always obliging and so here I am - repurcussions be damned!

Now that I have sat me down to write, I am not a bit wary!
Describing events in your life is simple; they are statements of fact. So also is speaking at an occasion- here you have a brief and are expected to dwell only on particular aspects of a person’s life or character.
But writing about your better half (when you have tried in vain for 36; no 46 years to determine which is the better half!) and that too to a readership comprising your own children-this is a totally daunting - fraught with minefields, dynamite, RDX and even IEDs!

But what the heck, he asked for it and he shall get it!

His childhood- This is hearsay, albeit from the horses’ mouth.

Was spent in Guhagar. He was taken there by his nani who was said to be a very humane and docile person. But she passed away soon after, leaving him with baby maushi who was herself in her teens and a grandfather who was nothing short of a tyrant-at least that is how both daddy and maushi describe him!

Some of the beliefs He firmly lived by -

I am the Captain of your ship & the Master of your soul.
Spare the rod and spoil the child.
All work and no play made Jack a super boy.

And that’s how the bond between the aunt & nephew developed! I guess they found solace in each other when dealing with the common enemy!
Both of them have still not tired of recounting the many ways He made their lives miserable- nay a living hell! Fortunately I do not recall having met the man! And to give him his due, he probably belived he was doing the right thing!

Teens years.

And so at age 10 the super boy was finally returned to his owner when maushi got married. I still remember the meeting! All the houses had an angan in front and a lot of activities took place here – it was like a community centre.

My mom was plaiting my hair and here he comes to meet us. I remember the typical Guhagari look- Gora and Ghara, well fed with nirsa dudh (milk straight from the cow) and sajuk tuup (pure ghee) reminding you of the cows and buffalos in the wadi behind the house!
He probably only spoke to mom, I don’t remember what was said.

Pretoria Baug was unique in one way- all the families who lived there were more or less of the same social strata. Hence we were like one big family. We went to movies together, festivals were celebrated together! We were even acquainted with each others uncles, aunts, cousins,etc. We did’nt have to ‘date’ to meet.
That made for an environment very conducive for courtship as we grew up and in fact everyone would have been surprised had we not got married! And so we did! So far so good!

Bringing Up Family

Marriage as they say, begins after the honeymoon is over! Our honeymoon lasted all of four days (dad had just joined AI & had no leave), three days in Mussourie & a day in Delhi, courtesy IA where I worked then.

We lived with tai-papa for 5 years. I have many good memories of those days with Nandu, Kishor & Govinda. I learnt about a whole new culture, the Top class Hindu Chitpawan Brahmins! Of course daddy was all of 24 when we got married and I was 22; we still depended a lot on our parents emotionally. And if you lived with them, you had to fall in line. This was the norm & I had no qualms accepting it.
Rakesh was taken care of well, I could go to work without worry.

But those were funny days! What were parents if they did not demand implicit obedience from their children? And daddy was the obedient son, he was in constant fear of displeasing his parents and so he did not step beyond the Laxman Rekha that had been drawn by his parents and their parents ………..To a great extent he remains the same even today!
He was never 100% confident and that reflected in almost everything he did(probably his childhood trauma) .
He even took his brother’s help when he wanted to propose to me! Nandu & I were buddies, being of the same age! We had to clandestinely bunk office & go to the movies-after marriage!But I was determined to take on the onerous task of building his confidence!


Unfortunately, mine was a family with only one Rekha, me! Not that I was non conformist or anything, but I realized (in my mind) that Laxman Rekhas are stifling. But obedience had been inculcated in us all, no questions asked. It was the responsibility of the parents to tell, but not ours to ask! Hence I continued to play the role of the perfect Bahu!

(I always had this fear of hurting my near & dear ones and I avoided this at all costs! I have lived by one motto : nobody should be able to say that I have hurt them; either in thought, word or action.)

I know this was to be all about Daddy, but how can I write about him, without bringing myself into the picture?

Anyway, it was time for Nandu to get married, so we had to move out. By that time we had enough finance and courage to buy a small flat (Sandhya).


Building our Careers!

Fortunately for me, daddy was easy to please! Keeping his parents happy was important to him and to me by default. He did not make unreasonable demands, he was particular about his food and declared : Hire all the help you want, but there should be proper food on the table-no shortcuts there!
I took him up on it and always had at least one full time help and one part time maid to do all the chores for me! The numerous relatives (from his side mostly) who visited also chipped in as required! This was not so much because I needed the help, but more because it made them feel at home & wanted!

Also I was never hassled with work, I could concentrate on my career and my kids. I have daddy to thank for it. He realized that my career was important to me & to the family and put up with all the demands it made on me & my time.

In the early years, my career took off first and I was earning more than him. This itself was enough reason to break or mar a home in those days; when all men believed they were not worth their salt if they did not flaunt their MCP abilities. This does not mean that he is not one, but he has the good sense to temper it with the need of the hour!

That is one talent he definitely has! He knows his limitations and those of other people and adjusts his expectations accordingly. In fact I had one grouse that he always under estimated himself and his abilities!

(But in hindsight, this also turned out to be a big asset because it meant that decisions were always taken jointly. All major decisions were tken after due deliberation-of course he had the gift of the gab and usually talked me into his line of thinking!)

When the opportunity to apply for a flight engineer came, I had to push him to do it. He became one of the best FEs, as far as knowledge of the aircraft and his job was concerned and all his friends came to him for help to study & clear the exams.

He took his job very seriously & prepared for every flight- his sleep, his uniform etc.Thats another trait that has stayed with him- see how he takes the temple work now, or how he single mindedly looked after tai all thru her sickness! He took his medicals seriously, looked after his diet, his walks and sailed thru 27 years of flying without a blemish!

And so at every stage he proved that I was right, my trust in him was not misplaced! His career took off and that was the best period in his life. The world literally opened up; and gradually brought out a new and confident Dilip. I had succeeded!

The new job brought with it many add ons- the glamour, the uniform, traveling to various countries, the 5 star lifestyle, new friends and of course a lot more money!

But we never changed our lifestyle! We enjoyed the imported chocolates & cheeses, jeans & T shirts, the American georgette saris etc. but never became slave to the good life. We traveled abroad on holidays, but our feet were firmly grounded to amchi Mumbai! Unlike some of our friends who could not do without Kraft Cheese or Olive oil for cooking! You must remember, these were not freely available here.

You won’t believe this but in those early days of flying daddy once told me about a party he attended: “All the guys were drinking, but I was more interested in the snacks & food” Even then, we never stored liquor at home! It was bought once in a while to entertain friends or if a celebration was in the offing. Somewhere along the way however interests changed!

His talents.