Rekha's Musings

Come March – April and temperatures begin to rise - all round! Especially in the homes of school-going children! The entire household is tense; gearing up for the impending exams. Tempers are frayed, Alarms are set, Timetables are prepared, TVs are switched off, guests are discretely unwelcome! Ipads, ipods, iphones are locked away as are cricket bats and tennis rackets!
The good old days of “Spare the rod and spoil the child” are long over. These are the days of the ‘solitaire’ kids. Mamas are on special leave taking special care of their kids at this very special time in their lives. So far so good. But things don’t end there. Some moms are seen studying with their kids, some also study on behalf of their kids!
Well I am no Counselor, nor psychiatrist! But I am a Mom and now a Grand-mom. And have accumulated a few words of wisdom along the way.
For Parents:
Children are what parents make them; you are their first and most important teachers. Children are smarter than you think; they are quick to pick up - both the good and the not so good! So always practice what you preach.
Training should start early; younger the child faster it learns! Give children the fundamentals, the values, the importance of Good Life Practices; to be Good Human Beings, Good Citizens, Good Students, Good Workers..........and leave the rest to them.
If you can imbibe these values in them, you have won half your battle. You teach them to dream, You do not dream for them. You teach them to take on responsibilities; Let them be responsible for their destinies! You allow them the freedom to think!
These days children are much too clever to fall for the ‘Carrot and Stick’ enticement and I am a staunch opposer of this practice. In the long term, the carrot decays and the stick breaks!

Also, as we have oft heard, Comparisons are odious – never make the mistake of comparing your kids to your neighbors’! Every child is different, unique – that is the universal truth!
When a child stands first in class, it is more a victory for you! It feels good; but every child cannot stand first. There are multifarious skills that a child may possess. If an Einstien is respected, so is a Sachin Tendulkar admired and a Lata Mangeshkar revered!
Discovering our child’s interests and talent and nurturing them is our duty. Fortunately today, new streams of study are opening up and a wide range of subjects is available for the child to choose from. With a little hard work one can do well in any field. Every child doesn’t have to become a doctor or an engineer!
Dialogue is important; talk to your child as often as possible. Give them a little advice – that is your prerogative; but also take feedback from them. It’s as important to listen as it is to talk to them. Create an atmosphere of confidence and trust on both sides. Try to read between the lines and into the minds! And you will no longer be ‘At War’, you will be on the same side! How wonderful would that be! Just imagine the ‘Peace’ at home!
For a start, Exam times need not be a nerve-racking, frustrating experience! You will be creating an atmosphere conducive for your child to grow and blossom! You will only need to supervise and ‘be there for them’ when they need you. No need to keep them in sight 24 x 7. Give them their space and have your own space too!
You have your career, your desires! You don’t have to sacrifice all your aspirations for the children or the family! I’ve seen too many moms who feel cheated that their lives have passed them by, just raising their children! This really need not happen. Learn to place more faith and have more confidence in your children! Make them independent. This will be rewarding to you both! A Win-Win situation!
For Children:
Remember, you are not studying for your parents. Doing well in school and college will only do YOU good. A few years of hard work now, will afford you a lifetime of success and comfort!
Of course there are no guarantees in life; but it is for you to do your best with honesty and diligence. Find your interests, set your goals and work towards them. Remember, If at first you don’t succeed, try, try, try again! Don’t let failure dishearten you – make it your stepping stone to success!
At the same time, bookworms can be dull. Take an active interest in games, sports, music - anything you have a flair for! The playground especially, will teach you more about life than any school – Not Winning, but Playing the game is important! Be an all-rounder! Be a Sport! Always look at the Brighter side! Winning and Losing are but two sides of the same coin!
Don’t feel shy of asking for help! Heed the advice of your older siblings, family, teachers. Look for a Role Model; someone you admire. Learn about them and try to emulate them wherever possible. Remember you have to become the Role Model for your younger siblings!
Finally, your parents, will always be there for you; whether you taste success or meet failure, YOU ARE ALWAYS WELCOME HOME!

Retirement! The word always brought on the jitters to all of us “careerists” moving slowly towards that inevitable day in our lives! Can anyone blame us for dreading the thought? Having spent the better part of our lives in our workplaces, this revered place became a part of our very beings! The major consumer of our time, energy, talent, ambitions, aspirations, desires, friendships, frustrations – in fact every bit of our existence! How can we give it all up one dark morning? “It’s only a job and you’ve had enough of it”; “You are now 60-you need to relax, take it easy”; “Enough of rushing for the 8:15, learn to enjoy a hot cup of tea in the mornings”; “Read the newspaper over a scrumptious breakfast”; “I’m sure you will find better things to do - read, go to the movies, re-kindle your hobbies”.

The spouse, the son, the daughter-in-law, the daughter; they just don’t seem to get it! I try to explain, to convince them. Yes it started as a job, a profession, a means of livelihood that had a semblance of discipline, timing, a schedule, a plan; but slowly every shred of regulation went out the window. This job grew into a career, a passion; it assumed mammoth proportions and started to consume my very heart and soul! The family gently slipped to the back, the kids gradually managed themselves, the spouse learnt to ‘understand’ and the career - it just took over! So much so, I attributed my very existence to it. Didn’t it give me my success, my status, esteem, a decent life, house, car, comforts? “How can I let go of it? What is 60 years? What will I do with all this spare time? I shall suffer a break down! You people just don’t understand!”

A great tussle ensued inside! I had to find a way out. I had to calm my nerves and take ‘retirement’ by the horns! I had to retire! Everybody does! And I am not differentiating between men and women here; for the situation is no different for either. I’m sure they go through the same emotional upheavals!

And so one fine morning I found myself sitting in the balcony, with a cup of tea and newspaper. No idea of the time, not a care in the world! Sales targets, manufacturing schedules, all deadlines had been met! I had set myself free!

The children had flown the nest in pursuit of their dreams and left the two of us to ourselves. A most frightening thought I can tell you! But one can turn it into the most beautiful phase of life. Catch up on all the wonderful things you always wanted to do but could not find the time for! Relax, enjoy the small pleasures of life; savor the quality time that you can now spend with the spouse! Do everything you were too busy to even think of! And you will realize, as did I that “retirement” can be fun, it can be fulfilling if only we knew how!

Today most retired couples find themselves ‘alone’ – no encumbrances, no responsibilities, not even worries for company! This can be very intimidating and unsettling! For all our lives we have lived for someone else, weighed down by familial duties, social obligations. But fear not, life need not be ‘empty’. We can still make it rich and gratifying. Consider it a time to give back to society, in whatever small manner we can or just find new interests and hobbies.

One of the first tasks we undertook was to rebuild the 150 year old family temple in Songaon, a small village near Chiplun. Bringing together the entire clan was a happy chore! New bonds were forged and old ones renewed with the blessings of Lord Ganesh! The most satisfying achievement was the sense of gratification doing this for the community. It felt great!

I then turned to my pet hobby. I was always a die-hard travel bug! The mountains and oceans, forests and falls; temples, churches, palaces; had always beckoned me. Now was the time to return the call. Likeminded friends were roped in. A vision took shape – Wander-lust! Starting with the towering Himalayas, we traversed the country state by state. Then we set our sights on Europe! A Backpacking Tour of Europe - 13 countries, including Iceland!
And we did all the spadework ourselves! No SOTC or Raja Rani Travels. Poring over Route Maps, Charting the Route, Youth Hostel Bookings! Euros, Dollars, Francs, Kroners! Time zones, Temperatures, Food, Tickets! Everything had to be thought of! We pulled it off!
We followed it up with a trip down under, to the very edge of the Earth! We traversed the length and breadth of Australia and New Zealand! This year it’s the Far East. And the list is not over!

I have found my “Retirement Calling”. I’m sure you will find yours! You only have to believe in yourself and go for it!

April 4, 2012

I will never forget his soft smile – half amused, half quizzing; and always acknowledging. No one was too small for him; he remained the very same Madhu kaka for all always!
His passing away on 7th of February did not come as a shock, but it brought to end an era for the Barve clan. Madhu kaka was the last of the Barves of his generation. And I was fortunate to have been part of the family; to have known him and Sumati kaki. Both school teachers to the core, they ‘carried the baton’ handed down by their elders, with conscientious devotion and honesty.
I remember my stay with them in Chiplun and Songaon. We were young and preoccupied with our careers and made a dash to visit the family deity whenever possible. And I recall the affection with which we were hosted!
Our friends were as welcome at Songaon – not an easy destination; all the more challenging those days. Both Kaka and Kaki single-handedly organized the annual Utsav. They were there well in advance to take care of the numerous tasks; starting from setting up the house and making it livable for all us city-people. While kaki was busy stocking up the kitchen for the numerous guests, kaka would get the ancient house in shape. Cleaning, repairing, the furniture, the lights, even the crumbling walls, and the cracking floors! All for our comfort! And they did it with so much love!
Kaka was a multi-faceted person; fluent in Persian, he regaled us with his Persian verses; and never gave up his love for painting which provided him much peace and sanity in his closing days.
Is it any surprise, the respect bestowed them both by the town whose kids’ lives they shaped and futures they molded!
Also their magnanimity in dealing with the folks of Songaon; helping with loans, lending patches of land for building huts! The villagers looked upto them with reverence and affection.
An ardent follower of the RSS, kaka lived by the principles of the Sangh. His life exemplified its teachings, undiluted and unwavering.
The daughters have imbibed the teachings of the parents and are ever soft-spoken, disciplined and always obedient.
As successors of such a fine legacy, it would befit us to carry on the noble traditions as well as we can! That would be our best tribute to them!